Just before our trial separation, Patrick encouraged me to do a part time law degree to give myself an option for a change of career path in the future. I had been working in magazine production for nearly five years now, it was my first proper job since leaving college, and I did often wonder what it would be like doing other jobs. I know to other people my job seems pretty good as it is, working for a big, famous top magazine publisher, and I mix with incredibly intelligent people, however I still can’t deny that my job is getting very routine and boring.
Anyways, the course started in June, I only took one module in the last term as it was only summer term, which was shorter than ordinary academic term times. This term (Sept – Dec), I’m taking two modules, Contract and Tort. I’ll be having lectures two evenings a week, which is not too bad, I can live with it. But anything more than that, I don’t think you can have a normal, balanced life (assuming that you have to work full time as well, that is). I do feel bad about not seeing my family and my two darlings (Smug and Lily) as much. In the weekend as I feel obliged to make it up to the dogs, I usually hide in my own flat to be with them, so sometimes I don’t show my face to my family at all during weekends. I’m sure mum isn’t very happy about this, I mustn’t make her jealous about the dogs.... 
Last weekend, I was having a low moment, about the studying pressure, about relationship problems, about the loneliness. I found myself crying on the sofa, burying my head between my legs. Lily was just too old to pay notice to anything and carried on sleeping, however, Smug noticed and stared at me with much concerns from her usual patch (outside the bedroom), eventually she jumped on the sofa and rested her head on my lap. I’m not gonna be a anthropomorphist and say she understood how I felt or how she looked at me with big sad eyes filled with sympathy, or any soppy things like that, in fact I don’t think she had the slightest clue how I felt, I think she just found my weeping noise strange or disturbing and hence jumped up to investigate. But whatever drove her to be physically near her crying master at that moment, it offered me great comfort, holding her warm smooth fur is nearly as good as holding a girl friend, or a nice hunky bloke. And that warm feeling can ease your pain and drive away your urge to keep on crying.
Thank you Smug, although you’re such a gormless, cheeky dog, you just somehow enrich my life so much, you really are one great companion. It's great to have you to dry my tears when I'm sad, but I don't ever want to see you weep, I want you to be the happiest dog till the day you leave me behind, and you can tell all your dog friends in heaven what a great life you had.
Forgive me if I can’t spend as much time walking you and being with you when I’m in college, ok?
Love you lots xxxxx
